Friday, March 31, 2006

Hello and Welcome

After tense and heated salary negotiations, I am happy to announce I am a contributor to the Yellow Lightning Web 2.0 Sporadic Content Creation Team. And Mike, thanks for taking on that second mortgage- as long as Bernanke's wife keeps wearing those Luftwaffe officer uniforms during "strafing", that weekly adjustable rate feature should be no big deal. Oh, I kid- that's a different family with the Nazi fetish.

Time for the gratitude. Who to thank...who to thank...ah, of course. No important life event, momentous or trivial, should occur without thanks to our Lord and Savior. Thanks, Jesus (call me!).

And maybe even more important than the divine blessing of J. Whillikers C. (bear with me, Kurt Warner), is someone I've known since at least the seventh grade. My friend, my companion, my life partner: literacy. Without him, well...let's just say you wouldn't be reading this. On that note, let us not forget that like the Republican party, this website is a website of inclusion, not exclusion. So, to all of our illiterate readers, allow me to say "Big Mac french fries taco supreme bus stop." Call me! Oh, right...you'll probably want to start with the middle button on the bottom row.

Now, I am off to spot Miguel's straight-leg deadlifts. Toodles.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Dead to Me Like Juanito

I'm going to have to abandon the Jalapeno Burger. I don't know if it's just Carl's in the Central Valley or I just have bad luck, but the JB hasn't been good the last couple times. When I get a $7 JB combo, that shit better be piping hot when I break it open, however, I've been left wanting the last couple times. Today was no different. I got my JB Combo in the Manteca and flew home. Upon opening the package I discovered it was not as warm as it should have been. Therefore, let it be known, that the JB is dead to me like Juanito. It's just not worth all the running I have to do to stay at a neutral calorie level to have a lukewarm JB. That is all.

Who's got the juice?

I’d just like to say that that Mikes statements referring to my being on the sauce may have been unfounded…. Ok maybe not, but it’s only creatine and not ephedra, or zedrine, or any of that shit from Xyience. And in my defense it was just sitting there on top of my refrigerator from the last time I thought that I needed to get more out of my gym membership.

In truth taking creatine is kind of like willingly drinking base beverage powder, fruit punch, 1 each… bland in flavor and heavy on texture. Ive gone as far as to use hot water to help the power dissolve easier, so now Im drinking hot fruit punch, which is odd but not as grainy going down. Id like to think of it as a tasty fruit tea.

Once I get to the gym Id like to say that there are a few things that really piss me off, most of them have to do with other people slowing down my workout. People who have no appreciation for the fact that I’ve filled my body with vitamins and other supplements that will occasionally cause an uncontrollable eye twitch that would make Vega proud.

People who bring reading material to the gym- Unlike taking a shit, exercising actually requires your participation; you want to read go find some porcelain, otherwise... get to it.

Pretenders to the throne- We all know those guys who load up the bar with all kinds of weight that they know they can’t lift. Not only do they use up all the plates in the weight stack slowing your workout but then they do some sorry ass half reps. Then they act all tough about their unaccomplishment… I hate these guys, I hope they tear a peck.

Gym Macs- Yes, I know it works. Most if not all the women at the gym have some kind of self image problem, thus making them prime targets for your lame ass lines skillfully crafted in to “work out tips”. Save that shit for the sauna, spa, and steam room and get the hell off the lat-pull down machine, Im tweaking over here and I aint got time for your bull.

Well that’s it for now… all this fiber Ive been eating lately is tearing me up inside, I gotta go.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

On the Sauce Again

So Miguel is on "the sauce" again. He gets crazy on the sauce. The first time he was on the sauce, he called me after a solid hour at the gym, still pumped up and ready to rip apart phone books. The best part was, he was so crazed he kept making noises, like little shouts. I alternated between concern and laughter. In the end I went with laughter. I know it's hard to believe, but this is Miguel on the sauce. It's rough on the eyes and you can't unsee that, but it is what it is. I'm just glad he's got a wholesome diet while getting back to the gym. I know that the wrong diet, combined with the sauce can wreak havoc on you. God help the neighbor girl's boyfriend if he knocks on the door again at 10 PM...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Jalapeno Brick Burger

I too had one the other day and man I felt heavy for a good two hours. Did you go for the $6 nonsense like I did? I know you did. You know you did. The only thing it's lacking is bacon.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Lunch time...

Mike-
I just had another one of those tasty fucken jalapeƱo burgers… thought of you.