Monday, February 19, 2007

Rainbow-tastic


So last night I finally made it to the rank of Sergeants Major in our beloved Rainbow 6 Vegas. Overall the achievement was a little underwhelming considering the time to benefit ratio involved. Although, I was reminded of a conversation with a very drunk Mrs. Shook in the men’s bathroom about how "Jerry was going to be Sergeant Major...” Man sometimes I miss those days, you could never predict what was going to happen from one minute to the next.
Unfortunately reaching SMAG doesn’t unlock anything really cool, you get some new armor but the only difference between it and the armor you’re given at SPC is the way it looks. So that was kind of a let down.
This lead me to look towards my next advancement of 2nd LT, which after completing a few games over lunch lead me to this computation: it takes about 7 wining games at or over 15 minutes to fill up one bar on your rank card, and you need 5 bars + the extra invisible bar to make the next level so that would be about 42 games and 10 & 1/2 hours invested to make LT.
Apply that logic to the rest of the remaining ranks and you'll have played over 63 additional hours before you make it to Elite and that's only if you win... every game you play.
Just something to think about.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

So You're Thinking of Getting a Tattoo...

My advice, and I'm far from an expert, would be to NOT get one that says STEP BACK in four-inch letters across your stomach visible from, say, 30 rows up at an IFL event if you ever plan on getting knocked out in 44 seconds by a baby-faced college kid with a passion for striking. Again- not an expert.


TigerSharks FTW!!1!1!!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

No Seriously

Is every older male actor coming out with a rehash movie from their respective haydays? We've got Harrison Ford with Indiana Jones Quatro where he and his loveable old man, played by Sir Sean Connery KBE, battle aliens and Nazis with Indiana's grown son, played by the Rock. It's the feel good film of the summer. We have the 60 year old Stallone giving it one more shot in Rocky 15 where he battles aliens and black people, "get those alien sons a bitches Rock". Which brings me to, finally, Matty's boy Bruce Willis who once again, by some sheer bad luck is forced to save the world from computer nerds or aliens or bank robbers or Alan Rickman. I'm not really sure. Apparently the movie only has 1 maybe 2 lines judging by the preview. Some of you may think this is revolutionary, but it's not. See any Wesley Snipes film in the last few years. 2 pages of script, 60 pages of "action". So, without further ado, I give you possibly, the toughest tough guy movie of the decade.


Die Hard or Die Harder


It's FIGHT NIGHT Bitches


Yes that's right its Fight Night gentlemen... So before you say anything please refer to the chart bellow.

Excuse #1
No money
Solved
Tickets are already paid for

Excuse #2
No Time
Solved
We’re two weeks out

Excuse #3
No Kitchen pass
Pending


You have two weeks my friends, two weeks to convince the little woman that a man day is sorely needed. I have faith in you both.

So let the wives know that you won’t be home for dinner, but that when you do return you'll be pumped full of testosterone.

And while I will not take any responsibility for what the two of you may do next, if it involves chocolate syrup, whipped cream, fuzzy cuffs, spontaneous outdoor nudity, or latex / leather in any form I would like a little credit.
Maybe a simple tip of the hat or a nice card.

Mr. Goodrich, Mr. Cake...