Dr. Mr. Guy at the gym,

<-----Is not something that you need before going to the gym. Now I know that working out in a "wife beater" is cool and I have no problem with that. In fact, I'm sure you feel quite liberated in doing so. But why in the name B.A. Baracus would you feel the need to slather J+J's signature product all over you before coming. C'mon, nobody looks like that when they sweat. You were "glistening" and men don't do that. Anybody that's been in the gym for a bit can tell the difference between a sweater and an oiler. The oilers mysteriously have no other telltale signs of sweat just that shiny skin.
So really, why on the day you're doing squats would you come in with that stuff all over your shoulders. I call that out as a safety violation. Plus, I mean, c'mon, it's pretty much all guys in there anyway. I know you were trying to draw attention to your shiny man shoulders, but dude, oil?
I've seen some interesting folks at the gym: obviously the oilers, the girl at 24 hour fitness that had an adam's apple bigger than mine, neck chains guy at the world gym, speedo wearing, tear away pants guy at world gym...
You know, the more I think about it, a lot of these guys put on a show about being the ultimate tough guys. But when you show up in breakaway pants with a speedo underneath and then actually rip them off and pose...Or you show up in a tight-ass wife beater with baby oil slathered all over your body, you want the attention of the other guys in the room. Which is really kind of disturbing. When I go to the gym, I show up work out, and leave. Granted, thanks to Miguel, I do have a nice tangerine number that I could wear, but nobody wants to see that.
So listen all you gym freaks, leave the bedroom stuff at home. Please, for everybody. Leave your baby oil at home for use with your "special" movies. Chains and bondage really have no place in the gym.
And for all that is holy....
please...
no speedos.